Stuck in the Middle

For my last blog post I am going to discuss something that is a bit personal but related to what Bell Hooks was writing about marginalization.  I grew up in a racially and culturally mixed family.  My father was born in the U.S. (1^st generation) and my mom was born in Mexico, which I guess would make my siblings and I 1.5^th generation born.  My mother’s family still adheres to a traditional Mexican culture but is currently undergoing changes because of the family members born in the U.S. who have adopted a more Americanized culture to a certain degree.  On the other hand my father’s family is American who are racially hispanic.

My parents are both educated people with advanced degrees who worked closely with the Latino community in Chicago.  My dad ran a mental health and social services agency in Pilsen for many years and my mom was the principle of a majority Latino CPS grammar school.  As I got older I learned about the many hardships that they faced through their lives both personally, and professionally.  For many years they fought against a prejudice system that neglected and overlooked the needs of the Latino community. 

I on the other hand never faced that prejudice until I got to high school.  I went to a mixed race grammar school for nine years and made friends with people of many different backgrounds and I thought that that type of acceptance would follow me into High School.  It didn’t.  When I went to a predominantly white high school I was marginalized and treated as different because even though I was Latino I didn’t “behave” like a Latino.  I made a few friends who were white but it was made clear that I was not like them by the way they interacted with me and talked with me.  They thought that I was some kind of genius because I got better grades than them so I became this “smart Mexican”, which I found insulting because they were basically insinuating that Mexicans are normally stupid.  When I left I went to a high school in the city that was predominantly minorities and even though I made a lot more friends and enjoyed it more than my previous high school I was still marginalized by the other Latinos and minorities because I again didn’t “act” like a Latino.  I remember one time being asked why I acted so white, and at the time it was a question that was very frustrating because I didn’t know how to answer it.

The Bell Hooks reading reminded me of this because even though I was forcibly marginalized I was still able to gain some insight into the hardships that comes with being the other.  The questions I found myself asking were always what and why.  What does it mean to act Latino?  What does it mean to act white?  Why should I act like either?  What is wrong with the way I act?  Why can't I just be Emiliano?  Rather than change who I was to accommodate a stereotype I became very critical of the institutions around me. In High School I was the other of the other, and over time I have come to accept that not because it is a label that was placed upon me but because I liked it. I was different, I didn’t fall in line with these preconceived notions and that was my way of showing resistance.  I was always on the outside looking in from both angles and from that I am able to be both critical and understanding.

I have found college to be a much more accepting encouraging environment for the types of discussions we have in 458 because it is an institution of higher learning.  The insight and knowledge gained as a communications major I believe has given me the tools to continue living a life that breaks people’s expectations of what a Latino is.  I may continue to be marginalized but because I have been exposed to so many different types of peoples and beliefs  I am better prepared to deal with those issues and dissolve them over time.  I take pride in being Latino, but that pride does not come from a preconceived notion. 

So my last questions for you all I guess is have you ever been marginalized and how did you deal with it?