Reflecting on our discussions of blackophilia, stereotyping, and microaggression, is something that I have personally dealt with being an African American woman; just did not realize it is a real phenomena (for lack of better word). Yet, the most profound thing I took notice of was the term “microaggression”.
I use to work for a bank as a teller a few years ago, it was in the suburb of Evergreen Park, here in Illinois. It is a predominantly white neighborhood. It was a fairly large branch. I estimate about 70 workers with about 8 to 10 black people including myself.
Almost instantly, I was singled out. About the 2nd week I was there a senior teller (older white lady) was so impressed that I was basically working on my own independent of my trainer. She stated “Wow, you are already on your own? It even took me almost a month to get the hang of it, good for you.” Although she may have truly meant it as a compliment, I was thinking like “what so I am an exceptional smart black girl based on your whiteness, well whoop de doo for me.” I just shook it off. Then another time was when a black customer was frustrated and one of the white tellers asked if I could come talk to her. Really? I guess because we were both black we speak the same language? Although she was speaking perfect English in which we all spoke. Another regular occurrence was for some of the older (50 years and up) refer to me the “cute one”, another one of my black co workers as “the tall one”, another black coworker as the “quiet one” and an older black lady as “mama”.
It was like we were not worthy of them learning our names, or we looked so much alike this is how we had to be distinguished. Which is totally ironic considering we were definitely the minority. There were other little color blind racism incidents, that I would just let go. Rationalizing it as: this is just the way they are, I came here to do a job, one of which I always wanted, and not to make friends.
Yet, the final straw was one Saturday afternoon, I was working, standing as I normally do-- although we had chairs to sit-- because it is busy. I rather stand because I tend to work faster and more efficient for customers; if I have to give approvals or assist another teller. By this time-- nearly a year later--I had been promoted to lead teller in my section because of my work ethic. As a matter of fact one of my supervisors complimented me on this and urged other tellers to follow my lead.
This Saturday took an unfair, unforgettable twist when one of my supervisors came over and asked me to close my window because the branch manager wanted to speak to me. It was explained to me that a customer reported a teller sleep at her work station. She then proceeded to play the voicemail from the customer that said at the very end of the recording, “by the way she was black.” She immediately said she did not want to know if it was or was not me, she just wanted to warn whomever it was this will not be tolerated. She went further to explain, she was not just singling out me she was having this same conversation with all the black employees.
So, I questioned her. I first asked when did this incident take place, why did I have to or any of my other fellow black co workers had to be humiliated like this without any validity of this claim? Does she even know that 80% of my work day I spend standing up? Why could she not look at the security cameras before making this falsely accusatory speech to me? I completely lost it and told her that she and the entire bank was racist. And not too soon after that I quit. My supervisor was shocked because she had not seen me act in this manner before.
Looking back, I wish I would have handled it better, I should have spoke up sooner and filed official reports. I let all the anger build up inside to the point where I acted out aggressively. I may have been irrational the weeks after this incident until I ultimately quit. Even if her procedure in handling this situation was just (even years later I do not think she handled it well) because of my past racial incidents I had enough.
So my questions are: did I overreact? Was blackophilia present in my day to day interactions with these white co workers? Would this situation played out differently had I not had so much pinned up anger and microaggression?
The first experience, wasn't that bad sounding, as I could see them telling anyone that “Wow, you are already on your own? It even took me almost a month to get the hang of it, good for you,” because some people don't learn as fast as others (they were probably impressed).
ReplyDeleteThe second one (sending you to talk to a black customer), not saying that I agree with that, but it could be said that they saw how you work/handle customers and such, and felt that you were the best person to handle that customer. (Yea, I know I'm playing a bit of Devils Advocate here, and I lack some knowledge but hear me out)
The third one (with the customer saying that people were sleeping), I do agree with you on. They could have done a bit more investigating before coming to you (and the other black employees) about the subject. They also could have sent a email to "everyone" (not just the black people working there) stating that sleeping on the job isn't acceptable or whatever. And while I do agree that you could have handled that better, your points are still valid.
Hi Damian, I agree with you that their actions may have been innocent and not intentionally blatant racist acts. That is the main reason why I did not respond or react to those incidents, giving them the benefit of the doubt. Yet I must admit I felt slighted. However as I learned in this class there was definitely a usage of colorblind racism even it was subtle.
ReplyDeleteNow I realize that situations such as mine is more common for minorities and part of a real dynamic. I like that you played devil's advocate. It helps add to this conversation and offers different perspectives which is needed.
We need many thoughts to have a valuable conversation to further our knowledge of the multifaceted institution of racism with the ultimate goal of making positive change.
Q, thank you for sharing your story with us.
ReplyDeleteI can see why you were frustrated, and there were definitely instances of micro aggression present at your job experience.
First of all, let's keep in mind that micro aggression can be both intentional and unintentional; therefore perhaps all of these incidents could be considered examples of micro aggression depending on how people choose to see them and react.
In regards to the first incident, I agree with Damian. Maybe it’s because I am guilty of constantly complimenting people when I am impressed. (Note, by impressed I do not necessarily mean, "I cannot believe YOU of all people accomplished this!" ,but rather "I didn't find the solution to this, and you did--good job!) Therefore perhaps she was simply being friendly by making you feel welcome and at ease for being the new teller.
However, I do believe there was a stronger form of micro aggression in the latter incidents. When the other teller asked you to talk to the African American customer—just because you too were African American—that is more overt form of micro aggression because unless you were a manager or a supervisor with higher authority, like you mentioned, you both spoke the same language. I could understand if a non-Spanish team member told me to go deal with a difficult person who speaks better Spanish than English since I am bilingual, but you wouldn’t expect the same from an African American customer who is speaking the same language as the White teller. If the customer was really being difficult, then a higher rank employee should have been called—not your fellow teller, simply because of the skin color.
I also believe that not referring to the African American employees by name is a form of micro aggression, and can therefore see why you were upset. Being called nicknames instead of your name leads you to question if you are worthy enough for people to remember your name. Unless you are close dear friends, and your relationship is that intimate, then I believe that the nicknames should stay out of the work place.
To answer your questions specifically, I do not think you over reacted because as you said, since the beginning you were in an environment where you felt you were being singled out. Working in an environment, where you constantly feel like you are being looked down upon, or treated differently simply because of your color can definitely drive a person to lose their temper. Therefore, the situation could have indeed played out differently if you did not have so much pinned up anger.
I believe I’ve told you once before that I am not too outspoken—so I think I would have taken a different approach. (Probably stayed quiet but put in my two-weeks notice--Not because it's the right thing to do, but because I tend to eat my anger...which I know it's bad!)